Relationships are like a bittersweet pill. We want them for all the comforts but get tired with the challenge of them. You could help yourself a little if you recognize some of your assumptions about relationships. This can help you work on them to turn them into more flexible thoughts that enable you to adjust and have a more fruitful relationship.
My partner must be as sure of the relationship as I am
On reflection this may sound absurd, but this is a problem for many people. They feel that they don’t want to be in an uncertain place where the partner is not as sure as they are. However, running behind this need for certainty ensures that all the beautiful moments are lost. Because, you are constantly trying to assess the motives of your partner.
My partner should express love exactly the way I want them to
For you, expressing love may mean gifts, chocolates and wine. But where is it written that he/she should be an exact carbon copy of you? We have a very stereotypical idea of how love should be expressed, thanks to movies. This makes us fail to see the real contribution of the person and makes us feel unloved.
I should always be first priority in my partner’s life
While this may be true in the novelty phase, it is a little unrealistic to expect this forever. With college, work, new friends, new goals – different things will become the priority for your partner. As long as you are secure in the relationship, you will stay important. However, insecurity is a big culprit and drives your partner away. They want you to see that just because something else is priority now, doesn’t mean you have faded away.
If my partner has friends of the opposite sex, it means that I must be reduced in value
“If he has a girlfriend, why does he need female friends?” – this is the thinking of many people. Not only women but even many men feel jealous of their partner’s opposite sex friends. They feel that all the requirement that’s there of the opposite sex can be fulfilled with the partner and there is no need of anyone else. This leads to needless fights because no one will give up their friends easily. And this has less to do with friends and more to do with internal insecurity. If you are sure of yourself and work actively on the relationship, there is no need to get threatened.
There must be a future to the relationships for it to be of any meaning now
This is perhaps the killer of a relationships. No one is sure of the future right at the beginning. They may become sure later or they may not. But holding them to test for the future definitely kills the fun in a relationship. Yes, to a large extent, it is a question of personal philosophy. But even relationships with a future guarantee do not work at times. Then why hold yourself to this right at the beginning and stop yourself from enjoying?
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