I now understand that people carry grudges only till such time bigger & better positive incidents do not occur in their lives. Our hatred lasts only till such time our mind is clouded by the negativity of the incident and there is nothing positive happening around us to look up to.
When good things happen to us, we heal and forgive & forget. People with good memory like mine don’t forget but we too forgive.
However it is essential to exhibit caution when dealing with risky relationships. A person who has hurt us once in all likelihood can do it again. Forgiving & forgetting does not essentially mean going back to them and becoming vulnerable. Chances are high that the other person will take advantage of our vulnerable state and hurt us one more time!
That’s why learned men have said:
~”Fool me once, shame on you
Fool me twice, shame on me”.~
What are the causes for going back to the grief giver even when he/she shows no sign of repentance or change?
This can happen when the victim is:
1. Too much in love with the grief giver.
2. Dependent on the grief giver for something vital and cannot avoid from being in touch.
3. Indebted to the grief giver for some good deed/help offered in the past.
4. Seeing the grief giver in relative terms and finds him/her to be much better than the other grief givers.
5. Affected by some bigger tragedy and therefore in the heat of the moment find the current incident too minuscule to react.
Isn’t time a good healer? Why do we need positive incidents?
Yes time is a good healer but time alone doesn’t really heal. It helps us only in archiving bad incidents and moving on.
However, the downside of this mechanism is – any event which can be alluded to sorrows of past, wil dig out skeletons from the closet and the victim will once again live-in the grief from incidents which occurred years ago.
Therefore, we need permanent solutions and that’s where positive incidents and good news play a pivotal role. Positive incidents and good news make us happy from within! Since they are permanent in nature, their impact brings a smile on the victim’s face every single time.
These repeated smiles will eventually write off the negativity and thereby what will last is a happy person. This happy person will in turn spread more happiness for he is the experienced one and knows how it feels to be in grief.
10 happiness – 2 sadness = 8 happiness = A happy person!
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