“I am unable to lose weight whatever I do. I will never become thin!” Sheena was stuffing her mouth with a pineapple pastry as she was complaining about how she wasn’t getting anywhere with her weight loss program. Instead of rolling their eyes at the sheer irony of the situation, the others chimed in with their stories about the difficulty of getting their weight off!

Thin is not in

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“Yeah man! Dekho na I eat salads at night, brown rice for lunch and still I haven’t lost a kg!” wailed Radhika, she must be weighing a healthy 60kg but she didn’t like her arms and so she worked off her mouth more than her arms at the gym.

I sat there sipping my coffee with the girls, wondering why I was being so rude to them, even if it was in my own mind! That’s when Malini brought me back to earth with the reason.

“Rashmi ko dekho yaar! So thin, you don’t have to worry about anything! Kuch bhi kha sakti ho!” Nothing else flared me up more than friends talking about my weight.

Yes, I am thin. I am in fact too thin, I am underweight. My bones stick out of my body, people love my collarbones, they wish they had those “defining” collarbones. But they don’t know how my hip bones stick out too and I cannot fit properly into the smallest of jeans. I don’t have any favourite jeans!

Too fat too thin

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I just shifted the conversation with a shrug; they would never understand what I am going through. I started flipping through my Facebook on phone to pass my time, there was an article trending on social media about an obese model. She had fought all odds to become a model and was championing for the cause of plus size women. It said love Every Body, because Every Body is beautiful. Tell me about it! I have been searching for that love for a while now.

I scrolled further down to see Rahul’s post on my feed, I don’t know why I still have him on my friends list. It was his honeymoon photograph, his wife stood there beaming with his arms wrapped around her stomach. She seemed like a nice girl and was looking extremely hot in that bikini, with curves in all the right places. Everything that I didn’t have.

He had teased me college so much, “Sukdi”, “Patli”, “Coconut tree”, but I took it all along till I mustered the courage to tell him how I felt about him. We had been friends for 4 years and in a classic move I confessed my love to him on our college farewell day. He held my tiny hands in his strong hands, kissed me on my sunken cheek and told me, “I love you a lot Rashmi, you are one of my best friends but I do not have any other feelings for you. I am sorry.”

I had been heartbroken for months. Eating icecream helped only the girls in TV serials, no amount of icecream helped the way I felt, and it didn’t even help me put on weight!

All those memories had come streaming to me because of that stupid post. I just blocked Rahul on my wall and got back to our weighty discussions.

“Every Body is beautiful”, maybe not.

Thin and Fat

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